I spend my whole life second-guessing my abilities… and it takes a lot of courage to do something new. I know, it’s nothing unique, right? We all feel the same way, I’m sure. However, I have spent so long ‘in a box’ that I don’t know how to get out of it. I started constructing my box as a child, as a means to protect myself from getting hurt. I was bullied, I never really fitted in. I was always a little bit different.
As I grew up, I tried harder and harder to be accepted.
I would look at my friends and wonder how they were so comfortable with themselves. I even started a small scale hate campaign against a new girl in the group because I was afraid she would take my friends away from me… I was cruel. That girl came to be one of my best friends in my late teens. (I suppose I’m lucky she forgave me, right?)
I made some big mistakes in my teens.
They are mistakes I know I won’t ever repeat, and even now, almost two decades later, I struggle to forgive myself for. I have to be careful because I can easily slip into the eternal feedback loop from hell. I can quickly start berating myself for every single mistake I have made throughout my entire life.
The last 18 months have taught me so much.
I have discovered that I am capable of showing myself compassion despite it being incredibly difficult. I have found out that I am strong and resilient. I no longer cower behind a mask, but I’m able to come through anything. Every storm I come through, just makes me more determined to reach my goals and achieve greater things.
Comments
Post a Comment